Insanity
by Damaged-Scene
Summary: What she doesn't know is that the more her mind lures her in, the more she forgets about well, everything else. If she did, she probably wouldn't care anyway. angst-y Naitlynfic.


_She lives in the fairytales, too far for us to find._

No matter what, she'll probably always love him. Love doesn't disappear just like that. And she knows this, she really does. She knows that moving away and avoiding him and his band and just plain ignoring his existence isn't gonna make the fire in her heart burn out. She really does know that all she is doing is stretching the pain.

But Caitlyn doesn't want to face reality. Reality is cruel, reality is cold water making hard contact with your flying body as you jump into air and do a belly-flop. Reality is a world where life has its 'life-is-amazing-and-I-feel-on-cloud-nine' moments and then there's the empty, depressing 'what-the-hell-am-I-doing-here?' moments.

So she sits in her mind, living on memories of her mother and father smiling at a young, bright girl who lived on fairytales and love songs. Then, as her fantasy grew, her parents faded, as sad as it is. She sits in a beautiful mansion all day, talking to a sweet Tess, a quiet Mitchie and a caring Dana. He doesn't enter any subjects and in her fantasy world, he's actually kidnapped and no one ever bothered to save him. And at night? She dances at clubs all night, guys all talking to her and buying her drinks.

Her mind is good to her, her mind would never let anything bad happen to her. She knows that the farther her mind pulls her in, the less her feet are planted on the ground. She knows, okay? She knows all these things and when reality sets in for a few days(sometimes, just a few minutes fortunately), she knows that everyone's concerned about her and that her mental health is eroding slowly but surely.

What she doesn't know is that the more she forgets about life, the more she forgets about well, everything else. If she did, she probably wouldn't care anyway.

"Caitlyn? Caitlyn, can you hear me?" She looks up from her small, pruney hands and realizes that she's been washing her hands for ten minutes. Turning off the sink, she looks up at the brown eyes of Mitchie who is leaning on the sink next to her, gripping with her shoulder. Mitchie's touch is burning a hole through Caitlyn's thin white, loose tank top(was she really losing that much weight?) and Caitlyn shivers away, wiping her hands on her jeans and walks out of the bathroom, not bothering to watch Mitchie to see if the older girl is following. She maneuvers around the crowds and sits at the bar, setting her purse on the counter and staring at the drink in front of her.

Did she ever drink before? When she draws a blank, her brain panics for a moment. She used to have an excellent memory. What happened? But she brushes it off because obviously, she's a little tipsy(but she can't remember why she was here or what happened before she washed her hands... oh well) and she must have had fun before. "Oh, there you are." Tess sneers at Caitlyn as she sits on the stool next to the solemn girl. Caitlyn looks at the blonde before sighing.

"How long was I there this time?" And the pretty blonde girl in front of her starts to like, physically crumble and she gulps down tears before speaking again. "It's been four days. Caity, you have to stop." And then she's nodding like nothing happened and laughing a little.

"But those fours day were the best time I've ever had." Tess may be an actress but she's a terrible liar and Caitlyn feels like something's missing when Tess looks down at her drink then at Caitlyn's figure, gulping painfully slow. And then three male voices echo from the front of the bar and Tess(who's middle name is a little fuzzy..) looks at the entrance before looking at Caitlyn with pity. Why pity?

Then a guy that she guesses was one of the three voices, comes between her and Tess and ordering a screwdriver. Then he turns to her and her world shuts down.

That curly afro..

Those chocolate milk orbs..

Those random freckles...

That half-smile..

_Nate_.

"Hey, Cait. Where have you been?"

She knows shock like this isn't enough to make her pass out.

Somehow, she does anyway.


End file.
